This week we headed to Thailand and between the bugs, caves and backflips – Sean goes from 3 down to the final two! The season is finally coming to a close and I have a feeling I may need to have “the talk” with my TV – it’s not you ABC it’s me, I want two hours of my life back. That’s till Bachelorette anyway… then we can start our weekly dating again.
But in any case I’ve made a commitment to Sean to give him as much crap as I could about going on a reality show to actually be the one man in this whole franchise that may actually make it out of this successful. So here goes nothing… bear with me – I’m fresh off a sleep deprived, Tiesto oh and Bachelor filled weekend in Philly – my humor cup be runnin’ low…. So due to my lack of energy you’re eyes are going to get a reading break – committing to a shorter post! Here we go!
Lindsay’s Date –
As Sean heads to Thailand on what looks like the most unstable boat, he picks up Lindsay for date number 1! He wants to surprise her he says – so to break this girl out of her comfort zone he puts her in a pedi-cab only to make-out with her sober in front of the driver and then takes her to a market to eat bugs. Watching her squirm eating a small bug was clearly a groundbreaking sacrifice for their relationship – I mean nothing says I love you more like a 1” worm on the end of a stick. After Sean put Lindsay to the ultimate test to see if bug chewing could lead to a wife-material he whisked Lindsay away to a beach with monkeys. Not going to lie that looked to be about the coolest thing so far seeing these little people monkeys running up to them on the beach.
But closed mouth kissing led to the looming fantasy suite card after dinner in front of a Thai carnival that looked oddly like an Asian version of the Tiesto concert I went to this weekend – it was crunch time. Lindsay had to say I love you – the 3 words and 8 letters you never going to hear back from the bachelor. So realistically after 10 weeks of filming and maybe a combined total of 200 clocked relationship hours – it’s only natural to want to lay it all out on the line. Well after several long creepy pauses Lindsay came out with it and our giggly bachelorette said it to the Dallas Beefcake – I LURVVV YOU!!! We’ll ain’t that cute – then they go spoon.
AshLee’s Date –
Which brings me to my next date with Miss AshLee. Now despite the fact that we JUST found out that AshLee of course was abandoned as a child, has a fear of being abandoned and doesn’t stop talking about her abandonment – sure let’s take her way out into the pacific ocean and send her into a dark cave with a Texas boy that grew up only with a pool in the back yard. Now producers – you basically just turned this from Bachelor into AshLee’s Fear Factor debut – because guess what – she’s afraid she’s going to be abandoned. SHOCKER!
But alas, even though I would love to make friends with this girl so she can come organize my closet and I think she’s two nuts short of a sundae, her fears are put at ease when her and Sean find the light at the end of the cave tunnel. As they frolic on their private enclosed beach I couldn’t help but think would she have to go back out the other way? Ha – slap No. 2! But somehow they clean up find their way to a pagota and sip a little red wine as Sean hears all about Ashlee’s desired cut, color, clarity and carat for the ring she wants in a few weeks. We’ll that’s classy… the ring she wants from “this man!” (It literally freaks me out how many times she says it… right?) Well you and “that man” are going to lay the ground work and rules for your sleepover – have fun spooning.
Catherine’s Date -
And last but not least Catherine who could literally get lost in a crowd is up for a one-on-one. Sean breaks out the fan boat stealing it from the Treasure Island exhibit in Vegas and gets all Titanic with Catherine. As they head to their snorkel spot they decide the best way to be playful is to flip off the back of the boat. As they continue to frolic in the water this date couldn’t be more natural.
Besides professing her weirdness and proving she’s really good at multiplying her square roots – Catherine takes a step in the intimate direction with Sean. This date was the grittiest and clearly closest to watching Sean say I Love You to anyone. At dinner Catherine starts shaking in her sandals about the fantasy suite – just to clarify that she wasn’t “that girl” she came to the grand realization that the fantasy suite wasn’t about the home run/slam dunk rather just a few more hours in the water with her beefcake. So they decided to stay and spoon…
Rose Ceremony –
After a pre-paid therapy session with the rose-master himself, Chris Harrison, Sean knew what he had to do. At this point we still had 15 minutes to go so clearly something was about to go down…
After debate and dissent and a lot of head rubbing which with that sunburn he was rockin’ could only lead to some serious peeling – Sean sends home AshLee. With her girls out ready to play – Sean hands out the other two roses and is waiting for the abandonment to turn into full on “crazy pants roseless-a-palooza.” Instead her reaction takes him and frankly me as AshLee turned into the coldest ice queen. Not a word – not – one single word said out of her mouth as she gets in the car to fly, yes fly half-way across the world back home. I hope she cleared out the plane’s mini-bar because this girl is for sure a flight risk…
Two left – which can only mean that the girls are back for two hours of the most catty Tierra-sparkle bashing ever! I can’t wait for next week when we get back to some quality television!
Till next week….