I had wine. It was all it took to get me through The BETCHelor fest that took over ABC tonight – and I am not going to lie – this one was better than most. With Chris Harrison kicking things off looking very dapper in an “Ombre” tie – I got pretty excited when they stopped off at a fellow DG chapter at UCLA! As a DG alum this chapter looked pretty put together for a sorority where – “nothing goes down faster than an anchor.” Yep, thought I would throw it out there before someone else does. So after Sean and Chris made stops to pre-tweens and collegiate houses much like a Justin Beiber, Scooter Braun duo – we were back to the real show – “The Tierra Show.” As we welcomed some – aka. all but the Lisa Turtle look-a-like and weird singing cruise ship girl… back to recap the season. Anyone notice a few changes:
So we bring it back – find out that after Lesley M. and the rest of the house bash and confess their distaste for Tierra that she is IN FACT backstage! (shocker!) Cue the “you’re screwed” ladies music. But the funny thing was – it wasn’t Tierra they needed to be afraid of – it was the eyebrow and the dent!
So after commercial break, Chris Harrison, brings on the “Tierrable” which ranged from everything from her cut-out, mama’s table cloth, dress to the HANEOUS sparkler on her hand. Yep, Tierra LiCausi is engaged ya’ll – someone is taking her hand and eyebrow in holy matrimony. As we continue and “Tierr-able” defends her “little Miss Nevada, I still have my sparkle, according to Daddy,” monologue, and then claims she simply has nothing to apologize for…. it’s okay Tierra you will come back down from Mars or planet Tierra one day and if you don’t, consider yourself ignorant and blissfully lucky to keep living in your dream world without “the haters!” But just in case – thanks for all the blog fodder this season! Couldn’t have written +500 words every Monday without you.
It was all I could do to not have my tears turn into overzealous wine sobs when Sarah sat down with the rose-master. You’re right Sarah – watching that playback gave me the sadz and giving you 5 – 7 minutes of a spotlighted exit was WAY more embarrassing than just letting you go at a rose ceremony – no rose, thirty second goodbye and you would be done – easily washing your hand – of Sean and his rosecea. But nope – the producers had to cut her off at the knees…ha – yes. Girl you are pretty smart and funny and to be honest all the other girls in America just like you ask themselves the same question – everyday and they even have 2 arms! It’s a tough cruel world out there…
Des Dons White
Now this interview reeks of a setup – yep, she’s the fan favorite, yep, she’s open to finding love again – hell she’s wearing white for God’s sake! I mean if this girl doesn’t scream next Bachelorette I don’t know what does. But in any case after discussing her brother’s “tire-shop” behavior she apologizes and decides she’s ready to move on… I mean really this is like OOOOZING rose petals… I’m calling it now and maybe I’m wrong but:
Desiree Hartsock is the next Bachelorette – (to be confirmed on 3/11!)
AshLee Be Awkward
So next in the hot seat was our Barbie doll look-a-like and smidgen of crazy – Ashlee Frazier. Now though I do think this girl has the best intentions, and she sounds like she’s writing the 2013 version of Pride and Prejudice with her “this man” and “that man” crap… You have to admit though this girl was the one who totally transformed herself after a bad break-up! She was rocking the body-con (Craig Robinson – Man of Style would approve!) and though she could have left the extensions at home – as Sheryl Crowe said “change will do you good!”
As Sean sat down he confessed that it was hard to joke around with AshLee – I wonder if that had anything to do with her control freak. You’re going to abandon me, “this man” “that man” issues? I doubt it seeing as how you twisted his words into thinking you had this one in the bag Missy Really AshLee? But of course you couldn’t leave your hot seat without making it a cold one dishing out some low-blows about Sean’s alleged “allegiance” to you and the “tossed aside” other women. Girl we need to have a talk – there is no sub-text to his text… Don’t over-analyze and don’t take the “do you want the bread from the picnic basket” as a pre-cursor sign that by giving you bread he’s ready to give you a ring – THAT’S CRAZY!
So after a few good bloopers, p.s. I love that Jackie is afraid of ducks – We are ready for the FINALE! I can’t believe its here already – my theory – the letter is from C.B. Harrison, I’m convinced all those shirtless scenes have done him in and this is one final plea for him and Sean to be “Bachelor’s” for life to live in the confines of Bachelor-dom forever! You have to admit that would be pretty funny and I hear the rose-master has quite the sense of humor…
I’m still waiting on him though – C.B. Harrison – you will always be my #1! Ha!
Till the BIG FINALE…..
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