The Bachelor Season 19: Ep. 2 Top 10

I guess the thought of living in Iowa would drive me to drink. As if last week didn’t already leave us pointing judgy alcohol fingers, befriending a bale of hay in my spare time may cause me to hit the bottle a little harder than most. Such is the case with the 23 women left on Episode 2 of this season – where Chris Harrison will take on a new role, AA counselor. I heard he’s going to hold meetings in the hot tub…

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If you didn’t think The Bachelor could get any more ridiculous – it did. I have to hand it to ABC – I have never found myself belly laughing as much as I did last night – a short list to start of this post: House raids, outdoor showers, ghetto earrings on a tractor, Mr. Potato head, mesa verde and then there was the drunk girl. Doesn’t that sound like spring break circa 2007?

What was even better was though I didn’t get to “tweet along,” reading the flurried hashtag of hilarity that capitalized on tonight’s antics took the cake. (favorites here, here and here) I didn’t even have to get as far as twitters homepage when I took a glance at trending topics and what do you know Ashley S.’ crazy “Mesa Verde” BOOM babbling is up there with national championship. I’d call that a win – don’t you?

But – so as to not disappoint let’s get to this Top 10 recap:

1. Jillian and Megan raid Chris’ bungalow – though a unique adventure, I can’t say that many have the pleasure of their ass being blurred out by production due the to skank factor of their bathing suit (Jillian) while the other bangs her head against a wall in a helmet to “test its safety.” We’re off to a great start!

2. The virgin Ashley I is calling herself a Kardashian while riding on a tractor. Please tell me that you see what really wrong with this picture… she should have been riding backwards with the Yeezy!

3. On a more sobering note Juelia pours her heart out about her tragic loss. Then we cut to some chick named Samantha. Who da fuq?! Who the hell is this chick?

4. You know MacKenzie hasn’t been on a date in a really LONG time when topics of conversation include the cast of characters from Toy Story. Mr. Potato heads body parts, little aliens…  too much “Kale.”

5. She’s blonde haired, blue eyed and smiles a lot – (how my mother describes me) oh no wait – its Megan, with a heartbreaking story, on the perfect date ever. #meep.

6. Now this was by far the best moment of the entire night – Ashley S. playing paintball. If the terminator and Johnny Knoxville bred and had a daughter – she would be it. Girl is two ticks short of a nuthouse.

The Bachelor Season 19 Chris Soules - Ashley S Gun

 

7. But as normal as the others seem then we have Ashley I. Telling Chris to make wishes on her belly button ring only to then have him rub it and….turn him on? Now we know how the genie in Aladdin felt.

 

8. Then there’s always a tried and true drink girl to soften the blow. Jordan clearly didn’t take one out of Tara’s playbook. She went to the bar instead.

 

9. And then Jillian almost falls on her rock hard ass both figuratively and physically. If truly it hadn’t worked out – that would trump Juan Pablo’s cabbage patch kid incident.

 

10. Then if this episode didn’t get more hilarious Chris gives a rose to Ashley S.! It’s like the producers decided to give a gift that keeps on giving – Ashley S. may be the dumbest person on this season, scratch that on any season ever – and I dig it!

After an episode that restored my faith in the absurdity in this show – we’re starting to see some connections and a few of the background ‘lurkers’ move to the front. Whitney’s ‘whisky’ move definitely got her on Chris’ radar and let’s not forget about Britt – she can work her hair, tongue and gives great hugs, aka. all that a farmer could ever want in a wife.

We said goodbye to:

  • Tara – Poor Tara there are more bass fish in the sea.
  • Kimberly – “Don’t rose me once shame on you, don’t rose me twice okay fine I’ll go.”
  • Alissa – I hear first class has some hotties.
  • Jordan – TO THE BAR!
  • Tandra – Who?

 Wishing Chris another week of sanity and snuggle seshing which looks like it starts with Jimmy Kimmel. This is going to get interesting. Better yet – let’s put Ashley S. in a padded room with the Kimmel. Now that would be a cage match worth watching.

Till next week’s virgin diaries…

// BEST OF RECAPS //

People.com – The Bachelor Recap: The 4 Craziest Moments, Including Ashley S.’s Seeming Mental Breakdown

People.com – Chris’ Bachelor Blog – Chris Soules’s Bachelor Blog: ‘I Do Need to Come Clean About One Thing’ (worth the read)

The GaggleThe Bachelor Season 19, Episode 2: Too Many Ladies

Lou What Wear - Three Wishes, Five Kisses

more to come…