It’s Bachelorette Monday? What?!

I’m sorry, didn’t we just leave a cute blonde in a corn field somewhere like a few weeks ago? Well, this season who knows what the hell is going to go down. It’s a new game kids, new format; TWO Bachelorettes which means double the wine and tons of snarky tweets coming your way.

After last week’s press call both girls (Kaitlyn and Britt) both seem grateful to be chosen as our “Bachelorettes” but did I feel like I was talking to Romy and Michelle and it was all girl-gushing and post it notes? No. (more…)

Pshhh, and you thought that goodbye was truly final from my Bachelor blogging days. Oh you sweet, sweet readers. Well now comes the time and the episode none of us know NOTHING ABOUT – every detail, every twist, turn and tear is a total surprise… but then again I don’t think anyone expected what went down ‘After the Final Rose.’

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Well it’s official we have restored all that is good to The Bachelorette Franchise post-Juan Pablo! Despite the fact that I currently would love a cerveza – maybe we should switch to Champagne to congratulate “The Murrays!”

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Rose fans! It’s that time of the season again arguably my favorite episode of the franchise. Something about 20-ish dudes defending their on-screen feelings and seeing who came out buffer, scruffier and apparently who gained a few and grew some hair just says good TV to me. I know, fine I have weird taste but let me tell you tonights episode of the The Men Tell All certainly didn’t disappoint…. well at least after the first 30 minutes.

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There’s only two time’s America has ever really cared about Iowa – during the caucuses and when #ChrisForBachelor start’s nationally trending on twitter. Kidding…sort of…

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Y’all, I don’t know if I am missing JJ or was just too drunk to write the post after the amount of wine consumed on Monday. (Yes, I’m old, three days of recovery is needed) – just kidding. But I can tell you right now any family I meet/bring a boy home – the wine will sure be flowing. I mean how do you expect me to memorize the Duggar-esque family tree and all of it’s names or go for a long backyard pass completely sober? You must be out of your minds… “go home you’re drunk.”

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Okay its offish! The recap is here, we’re headed into hometowns and sh!t’s getting weird. Like Dylan rocking a ponytail, Marcus owning more than one pink shirt and Brian suffering from like the worst stress induced rosacea ever, weird. But don’t worry guys – it’s not like Chris Harrison paying a visit adds more pressure or anything…

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It only took me a whole day to recover from the “Say bye to JJ” episode that left him and the cabbage patch kid rose less. More to come on our favorite childhood doll and pants lover but for now things are getting real. After this week we’re down to the Top 6 and Andi is starting to fall but for who? Well after the all the “lip locking and lies” it’s anyone’s game…

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I debated writing this post in French but you know when Chris Harrison greets you at a French café in Marseille and botches words like Bienvenue – he means business… There should be statues erected in this man’s honor glorifying his dating coach skills. Cutting straight to the chase – “Are you falling in love Andi?” aka. “My coffee is cold and this turtleneck is itchy.”

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Four hours of Bachelorette watching and I certainly needed a break before writing this recap! Whoops! There’s this thing called sleep – which I needed and Andi, is well desperate for. Is there an equivalent of #beerstears for tired people?

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